My Heart Aches...

My heart aches and NO it is not because the Steelers lost the Super Bowl, there is more to life than that( although I am alittle bummed). The heaviness in my chest, my mind not shutting off and now tears are preventing me from falling asleep is because my heart breaks for my kids more than I want it to sometimes. So, I am hoping if I put my thoughts into words I will feel better!

My youngest daughter is so bright and full of potential but just seems to struggle in some situations and no matter how much coaching I give give her there are times where it seems nothing works and it spirals out of control. She has come so far in last year and because of that nights like tonight seem harder to handle.

I try to do and say the right things and not interfere because I know she has to learn how to handle these situations on her own and at times kids will be kids, yet I wish kids could understand more how much their words/actions can and do hurt others. Yes, I know she is no angel and her own actions/words can makes things worse. and even I get frustrated (like tonight) because I can only "coach" for so long before I lose patience. However, as I think about things I realize what is really bothering me. The fact that she felt like an outsider in her own home, that she did not belong. I know kids struggle with this and she does more than others but it just should not happen in their own home. She should be able to enjoy herself and friends in her own home not feel like she has to "fight" to belong.
Maybe it is just me since we all I know I do not handle drama well, I hate when friends say or do things that hurt another but there is just something about feeling left out in your home that bothers me.

Lying in bed with my mind racing I realized even more , in some ways I get how she is feeling. Lately, I just not sure where I belong, feel disconnected... I feel like something is just off but yet I can not put my finger on it. I hope that whatever it is that will pass but I just have this feeling it is something bigger that has yet to define itself. Or maybe I need to just see if it is a full moon or if one is coming soon, if so it would explain why things do not seem in alignment. As you all I know I LOVE to blame full moons!

Have you ever had times in life where you just wish you could have a time out- I am feeling that way and very glad that I have tomorrow off. I am not sure it will be enough but it is a start.
Now, I just hope after writing all this I can feel better and move on and the heaviness in my chest goes away!

Good night all, my apologies for the "bummer" blog but here is to a NEW day!